It's been awhile. I'm sorry about that but life got in the way. It's not a bad thing or a good thing, it's just a reality thing. You see, just a little over a year ago, I met a boy. A man actually. A really good man.
I've met many boys. I've dated many boys. I kissed many boys. I cried over many boys. I got mad at many boys. I swore off boys time and again and yet I always went back for more. It took a lot of heartbreak and self reflection and wine and comforting friends to get past some of those boys.
I watched my friends meet and marry their matches. I celebrated engagements, showers, bachelorettes, weddings and even babies in the time I spent looking for the "right" boy. While my friends picked out new linens and kitchen gadgets I wondered why I couldn't make a relationship last longer than a season. Usually not even as long as a season.
Each time a friend got married a small part of me longed for our younger years, when time together was easily accessible and possibilities seemed endless. Don't get me wrong, I loved watching my friends find true love and being a part of their celebrations. It's an honor, albeit an expensive one, but an honor non the less to be asked to be a bridesmaid let alone attend a friends' "big day."
I very much envied that someone else would hear my best friend's good news before I would. That someone else got to bum along on a family vacation I used to be invited on. I knew that this was a natural progression of life as was eventually paying for my own vacation, but I was nostalgic.
In truth, my already large circle of friends has nearly doubled. I'm thankful for the partners my friends have chosen. I've been embraced by the many yin to my friends' yang.
Being single is lonely. It's scary. Sometimes it's even embarrassing. When a well intention-ed acquaintance would ask, "why are you still single?" I never knew what they expected me to say.
It was frustrating when my 92 year old grandmother would tell me not to be picky. As if I should have simply married anyone who'd take me.
It was infuriating when a friend would provide unsolicited advice or worse yet, their opinion. It was depressing when I found myself on another date with another person who shared nothing in common and occasionally didn't grasp social cues. It was demeaning when friends offered to set me up with the one other single person they knew. Like being single was enough to base a relationship on. And it was sad, sometimes heartbreaking, when one of those boys, one I did share common interests with, just didn't reciprocate the feelings I felt.
